please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
