I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
