I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Two words: nipple clamps
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