I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
