I heard we made out
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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