So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
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Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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