im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
