i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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