we have pet lesbian snakes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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