i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
