Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
