Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
