My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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