i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
