if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
