I need help removing her.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
