I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
