dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
