he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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