Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
