Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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