The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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