So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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