sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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