What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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