I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
