So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.