The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.