A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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