when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.