who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it