And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious