She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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