Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well you can't waste a boner
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
