puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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