Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
