Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
