and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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