I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
