His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
