i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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