I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize