oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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