I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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