he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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