Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
