i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
not ubering you a puppy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
