I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
