Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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