Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's the barista slut.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize