The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You took a bar mat shot.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
