got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
did i walk over a car last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
