what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
