He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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