Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
