my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
