i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
