There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
