So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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