Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
