shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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