I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
