I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
