im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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