i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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