I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
