It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize