i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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